First (1/2) Day

For those that care or that may also be struggling with going back to work after being on maternity leave...

I may have embarrassed my son for the first time today.

OK, so I didn't embarrass him.  But if he was old enough to realize that his Mommy started crying as soon as she started walking him towards his room, I'm pretty sure he would have buried his pudgy little head in pure humiliation. 

I started crying Friday.  OK, if we are going to be completely honest, I've cried about it several times over the past two months.  But Friday it hit me and I cried off and on all weekend.  I'm not sure why, but I just couldn't help it. I know he will be fine, and in some ways I'm actually looking forward to a new school year.  I guess when you are use to getting up, getting dressed (not sure I remember how to do this), going to work with other adults, and being outside the house, you kind of miss it sometimes.  But other times, I wish I could just turn back the hands of time and rock my newborn all day long. 

Anyways, the director and his "teachers" were all giving me the pity look - being moms themselves, they knew what I was going through.  Every mom does, even stay at home moms.  See, even though moms (or dads) that stay at home go through this pain eventually.  These little ones can't stay with you forever.  Eventually will come preschool, then "big school", and don't even get me started on moving off to college.  So every parent knows the feeling.  I imagined it when I was pregnant, but the feeling when actually experiencing it is indescribable.

I talked to the teachers for a minute (since I have already been to the daycare oooooh 3 other times before this...), gave him a teary kiss, and left.  I drove to work - which is thankfully just a few blocks away, sat in my car and let it out for a minute, then I was ok.  I got to work and stayed busy all day.  I want to say thanks for the NUMEROUS texts, emails, phone calls, and prayers that I received today.  It is great to have such sweet, understanding friends. 

I was swamped with so much to do and sweet friends at work to talk to that kept my mind occupied, at least enough to stay happy.

I wish I had a picture of when I picked up Hudson because he was in the BEST mood.  He is such a sweet boy.  He gave me huge, gummy grin and I hugged him tight. 

It was time for his afternoon nap, so when we got home I rocked that sweet baby boy and just cuddled for a little while. 

I thank God every day for this baby boy.  He blessed us with a healthy, happy, beautiful gift.  Being a parent is a hard job, but it is the best job.  I have a new respect for SAHMs.  By then end of the day, I'm just as exhausted as being "at work" all day.  I must admit that when you are with your baby round the clock, you do need a break every once in a while.

Not only has God blessed me with Hudson, but also with a job in this terrible economy when teaching jobs are hard to come by.  I really and truly feel like going back to work is the best decision for me right now, but that doesn't make it an easier to drop him off and not get to kiss on those cheeks all day.

Let's just say that we made the most of our afternoon together, which I plan to do every day.  He will still take about an hour nap late in the afternoons which will give me a chance to get dinner cooked and maybe some laundry done or some papers graded. But when he is up, he will be getting full attention from Mommy or Daddy.